It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
