That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
