Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
