so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
