When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
