dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
