no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
