Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
