so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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