I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I can't put those talents on a resume
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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