He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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