hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
