How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
