The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I have so many feelings about this burrito
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
