Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
