the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
