He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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