god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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