she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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