You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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