fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
