I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
