The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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