I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
