I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
