Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
