I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
