New low: just hacked my moms facebook
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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