before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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