i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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