Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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