true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
His nipple licking is glorious
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
