I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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