if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My liver just had a heart attack.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
