I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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