Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
