Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Drake has all the answers
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm bleeding and have questions
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
