fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
