hell yes lets make some ravioli
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
