I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize
