dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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