Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
