I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize