Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
