be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
meet me or not, i'm out of control
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
