I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
