at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
