Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize