he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
