i'm signing you up for texting rehab
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
