No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
