...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
