If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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