why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
