we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
