And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Randomize
