This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
