and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Randomize
