My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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