he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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