I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
