Midget sex pt 2 tonight
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
