if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
