I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
