Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
