i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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