It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
