my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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