i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize