why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
