Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
