Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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