We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
