dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
