talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
