i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
