You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
the day after is always just damage control
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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