Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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