I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
