I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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