oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
