maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you traded sex for a burrito?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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