We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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