apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
