I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
