my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
