Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
