i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
