i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
