brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
