there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He passed out mid-signature
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
