Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
