This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize
