piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
