i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
