You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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