There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
did i just pee glitter
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
